My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
