he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The Olympian is in my bed
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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