Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
