We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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