dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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