i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
