If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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