If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I want is dick and wine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
