Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
