There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
