Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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