Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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