So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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