let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
