Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
