I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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