I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
