Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
