just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
