fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
