Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
