dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
