Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
