Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
