I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
