im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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