we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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