You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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