Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
