What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
