Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
