After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm bleeding and have questions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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