I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Congratulations! We have a period
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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