My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
