Only a mothe r could love this liver
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
