I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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