he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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