The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
