Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
