I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
