Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
