Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
