I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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