Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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