I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
