For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have demons in me.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
