Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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