I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
