Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
