This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
